Presidential Fight Club

Andrew Jackson vs. James Buchanan

John Tyler vs. James K. Polk

Andrew Johnson vs. James Madison

Woodrow Wilson vs. James Buchanan

The winner of this fight advances to the Final Four. Listen to the previous matches in the NE Regional tournament to see which two presidents will square off to claim victory in the regional championship!

Kennedy vs. FDR. Stats of Fighters Name: John F. Kennedy Height: 6’0 Weight: 175 Military experience: Lieutenant (navy). Served in combat during World War II. Received the Navy and Marine Corps Medal and the Purple Heart. Special abilities: Incredible endurance under extreme pain. Kennedy suffered Addison’s disease his entire life, causing terrible physical suffering in his joints and abdomen. The left side of his body was smaller than the right, producing chronic back pain. He wore a metal brace and used crutches or even a wheelchair when the press was out of view. Despite this, when in August 1943 his boat the PT-109 was ripped apart by a Japanese destroyer, Kennedy (now with a ruptured spinal disk) swam four hours with his crew to an island while towing an injured crewman by the life-jacket strap with his teeth. Name: Franklin D. Roosevelt Height: 6’2 Weight: 190 Military experience: None Special abilities: Fearlessness. Lyndon Johnson said FDR was “the only person I knew, anywhere, who was not afraid.” And he was quite hearty before coming down with polio at age 39. Like his distant cousin Teddy, FDR suffered many illnesses as a child but fought back by throwing himself into the outdoors. He loved to swim, box, sail, fish, and jog. But overall he had incredible composure under stress due to his supreme assurance of the importance of what he was doing.

Teddy Roosevelt vs. Franklin Pierce. Stats of Fighters: Name: Theodore Roosevelt Height: 5’10 Weight: 220 Military experience: Colonel, U.S. Army.New York National Guard, 1882 to 1886, captain and company commander. Spanish–American War service as second in command and then commander of the 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry (Rough Riders). Special abilities: Being the world’s most interesting man. Roosevelt was a champion intramural boxer in college, practiced judo while president, worked as a rancher in the Dakota territories and got in fist-fights with cowboys, arrested outlaws, gave a ninety-minute speech after being shot in the chest by a would-be assassin, and explored an uncharted river in the Amazon following his failed presidential bid for the Bull Moose Party. Name: Franklin Pierce Height: 5’10 Weight: 145 Military experience: Brigadier General; New Hampshire Militia, 1831–46; Mexican–American War; commanded Infantry Brigade at Battle of Contreras, Battle of Churubusco, and the Assault on Mexico City. Special abilities: Stone-cold ruthlessness. Pierce fought at the end of the Mexican-American War and led a brigade despite being thrown from his horse and injured on the battlefield. He continued to bark orders while completely immobile. While president, Pierce was charged with running over a woman with his horse; the case was thrown out due to a lack of evidence. He was also a chronic alcoholic praised by his opponents as “the victor of many a hard-fought bottle.”

FDR vs. Donald Trump. Stats of Fighters: Name: Franklin D. Roosevelt Height: 6’2 Weight: 190 Military experience: None Special abilities: Fearlessness. Lyndon Johnson said FDR was “the only person I knew, anywhere, who was not afraid.” Name: Donald Trump Height: 6’2 Weight: 235 Military experience: None Special abilities: Actual ring experience. He is the only president with actual experience in the professional wrestling ring. In 2007, Trump faced off against WWE owner Vince McMahon at WrestleMani

Kennedy vs. Chester A. Arthur. Stats of Fighters: Name: John F. Kennedy Height: 6’0 Weight: 175 Military experience: Lieutenant (navy). Served in combat during World War II. Special abilities: Incredible endurance under extreme pain. Kennedy suffered Addison’s disease his entire life, causing terrible physical suffering in his joints and abdomen. Name: Chester A. Arthur Height: 6’2 Weight: 225 Military experience: Brigadier General. Special abilities: Master manipulator.

Franklin Pierce vs. Millard Fillmore. Stats of Fighters: Name: Franklin Pierce Height: 5’10 Weight: 145 Military experience: Brigadier General; New Hampshire Militia, 1831–46; Mexican–American War; commanded Infantry Brigade at Battle of Contreras, Battle of Churubusco, and the Assault on Mexico City. Special abilities: Stone-cold ruthlessness. Pierce fought at the end of the Mexican-American War and led a brigade despite being thrown from his horse and injured on the battlefield. He continued to bark orders while completely immobile. While president, Pierce was charged with running over a woman with his horse; the case was thrown out due to a lack of evidence. He was also a chronic alcoholic praised by his opponents as “the victor of many a hard-fought bottle.” Name: Millard Fillmore Height: 5’9 Weight: 165 Military experience: Major, New York State Militia; Served in New York Militia in 1820s and 1830s; Organized Union Continentals home guard unit during the Civil War. Special abilities: The power of invisibility on account of being utterly forgettable. The thirteenth president was chosen as Taylor’s vice president only on account of being a Northeasterner. He failed to quell the oncoming Civil War. In that battle he formed a forty-five-man militia, but the only action they saw was marching in parades.